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"Right here."
"I can hear your voice."
Martin carefully considered the wording of his next sentence;
he felt that the occasion called for an element of harmonious
eloquence. "You're standing on my fucking fingers you stupid
cow."
Virginia giggled and struggled to help Martin to his feet.
They both tottered into the dark garden - Virginia holding a
pair of secateurs and Martin grimly clutching garden shears in
readiness to do battle with anything that might leap on him
from the shrubs. There was something menacing in the middle
of the lawn.
"Wassat!" he yelped in terror.
Virginia laughed. "That's Cedric. He's a genuine stone
gnome." She took Martin's arm and nearly fell over. "Come on.
We'll start with the irises."
They staggered into the depths of Virginia's father's floral
Disneyland of a garden.
"Mind the sweet whatsits."
Martin cursed. "Can't see a bloody thing."
"Hold my hand. That's not my hand. Stop it!"
They both started giggling.
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"Shh I" Virginia put a cautionary finger to her lips. "Mushn't
wake neighbours."
They came to a part of the garden that consisted of fussy
individual
flowerbeds surrounded by gravel paths. Martin peered
into the gloom at the vague shapes of fruit trees and rose
bushes.
"You follow this path to the carnations," Virginia slurred,
"and I'll pick some roses." She pushed Martin into the darkness.
He stumbled across a flowerbed and fell flat on his face.
"Stop messing about."
"There's bloody trip wires everywhere!"
"Stay on the path."
"I can't see the bloody path. How can I stay on the bloody
path when I can't see it?"
"Shh!"
Martin picked himself up and spent some minutes falling about
in the dark wrecking things. A bush he fell into resented being
fallen into and fought back with a villainous armoury of
aggressive
thorns.
"Hey, Ginny!"
An answering "Shh I" came back from the darkness.
"I've found some gooseberries."
At the back of his befuddled mind was an idea that the
Combination of a pregnant woman and gooseberries might lead to
medical complications. He climbed out of the bush and stumbled
off in search of carnations then wasted another five minutes
in a bitter dispute with the fine nylon netting of a possessed
fruit cage.
He found some yellow blooms which looked as if they might
be quite attractive when they opened in the daytime. He picked
a handful.
"Marrow flowers," said Virginia when he had tracked her
down.
"What's wrong with them?" He was beginning to lose his
temper. The plant he had taken the blooms from had sharp spines
on the underside of its leaves.
"She won't appreciate them. Go and find the carnations."
Muttering to himself, Martin reeled off into the foliage infested
dark. He returned with two sweet-smelling flowers.
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"That's better," approved Virginia. "But they're no good."
Martin snatched the flowers back. "What's wrong with them
then?" He looked at them critically. "Look okay to me."
"Yes, but you should pick them with their stems. I can't
arrange just flower heads can I? Look, you take these indoors and
I'll cut some roses." She thrust an armful of irises at Martin.
"Where the hell shall I put them?"
She thought for a moment. "On my bed. It doesn't matter
about making a mess in my room."
Keeping a wary eye on Cedric, the stoned gnome, Martin made
his way back to the house. He found a modern four-poster bed
dumped the flowers down. There was a no sign of Virginia when
he returned to the garden.
"Ginny?"
"Shh! I'm over here!"
She was some yards away in the middle of a cluster of shrubs.
She seemed to be bending over.
"Martin, I'm stuck. I'm all caught up in these rose thorns."
She tried to move and swore. "Ouch I God damn it!"
Martin plunged to her aid and was immediately set upon by a
vigorous hybrid tea in full thorn.
"Bloody hell!"
"Be careful. They're really vicious," Virginia warned.
"Now she tells me." He disentangled himself from the rose
bush and fought his way up behind Virginia. Her T-shirt was
snagged on thorns in about a dozen places.
"Christ, you've got yourself in a mess."
"Trying to save your bloody marriage!" she snapped. "Now
do something!"
"What happened?"
"I bloody well fell over!"
"Shh!" said Martin. "The neighbours."
"Sod the bloody neighbours."
"That doesn't sound like my sweet little Virginia," said Martin,
unpicking her T-shirt from a thorn and snaring it on two
more. "Ouch!" He sucked his ringer.
"Stop messing about! It's hurting."
"All right, only keep still."
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"I will if you stop pushing I"
Martin reached round in front of her, feeling gingerly for
thorns before they found him. His hands brushed against her
breasts but his mind was too disorientated for him to appreciate
the event.
"Stop that."
"For Christ's sake, I wasn't doing anything!"
"You were groping."
"Do you want me to help you?"
"I don't want you to go helping yourself."
"Maybe if I pull..." He pulled. Virginia yelled. He stopped
pulling.
"You'll have to stay here till morning."
"Don't be so mean." She was getting hysterical.
Martin moved away.
"Don't leave me, Martin," she pleaded.
"I'm not. I'm looking for something. Dropped them here somewhere
... Ah. Got them."
"What?"
"Look."
"How can I turn round like this, you stupid idiot!"
"Garden shears."
She sounded relieved. "That's an idea. Cut away the brambles
I'm caught on."
Martin hacked ineffectually at the thorn encrusted laterals but
they sprang out of the closing blades of the shears and darted
into the darkness only to whip back suddenly and find new
targets. Their success was punctuated by Virginia's yelps.
"Please, Martin. I can't stay like this all night!"
Martin stopped and looked at Virginia's back. Several inches
were exposed where the brambles had dragged her T-shirt nearly
up to her armpits.
"Now what are you doing," demanded Virginia's voice from
the depths of the bush her face was buried in.
"Thinking. Try walking backwards. Maybe you can pull your
T-shirt inside-out."
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Virginia tried to take a step back towards Martin.
"It's no good. It hurts like hell."
"Hold on a minute." Martin slipped one of the blades under
thin material.
"What the hell do you think you're doing 1" Virginia shrieked
as the cold steel touched her back.
"Cutting your T-shirt off. I won't hurt you."
She wriggled furiously! "Don't you dare!"
"Can you think of a better idea? Just keep still and you'll be
all right!"
Virginia relaxed. "Well I suppose it's ruined anyway." She
gritted her teeth as the icy blade slid up her spine. The fibres
of the material parted with a soft cutting sound. Then she thought [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]