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body seemed ready to give it up.
Sinan tucked the blanket underneath 0smail s shoulders, back, and
legs. He rested his head on his hands and watched the rise and fall of
0smail s breath, counting the seconds between each one. Sometime in
the night the nurse draped a blanket over his shoulders, and, as if be-
ing given permission, he fell asleep. . .
Oh, Baba, it hurts.
Sinan snapped awake, lifting his head from 0smail s lap where it
had fallen.
It hurts, Baba.
50 Al an Dr e w
Electrified with panic, Sinan shoved the blankets aside and tried
to see if he was bleeding internally. He looked for red streaks, or a rash
creeping across the skin. He tried to see something moving beneath
the surface. What would it look like? He should have asked the doc-
tor.
Where? Sinan said. Where does it hurt?
But 0smail just moaned.
Tell me, 0smail. Where?
With both hands, 0smail grabbed his crotch. Here, he said. It
burns.
Sinan tried not to, but he burst out laughing.
It s not funny, Baba. It hurts! Bad!
I know, Sinan said, trying to control his relief. I remember. But
in a couple of days it will all be over.
At that moment the nurse wheeled in another body and pushed it
against the wall. After she left, a blue arm slipped from beneath the
sheet and hung in the air.
I m sorry, Sinan said. You shouldn t see this. You re too young.
It s all right, Baba, 0smail said. Sarah Han1m died and it wasn t
bad.
Sinan flashed on an image of the American s wife s fingers clutch-
ing on to his son. The rest of her body had been limp, lifeless.
She just went to sleep, 0smail said. Then she got heavy. It wasn t
bad. Just quiet.
The boy s eyebrows furrowed and his lips downturned in what
seemed to be the beginnings of a shuddering cry. Sinan walked over
to the body and hesitated before lifting the arm by the wrist. The skin
was cold, stiff, and rough-feeling, like the fibrous paper bags he
wrapped produce in at the grocery.
Is that her? 0smail said.
No, my son. I don t know where she is.
He tucked the arm away again and held it there a moment to be
sure it wouldn t spring back to life.
Gar de ns of Wat e r 51
It s nothing to be scared of, 0smail, Sinan said. They re at peace
now.
I m not scared, 0smail said. I thought I was going to die and it
was okay, just like getting too tired.
Hearing his son speak like this sent a shiver along Sinan s spine.
Sarah Han1m kissed me before she died, 0smail said. His eyes
had not left the body.
It s okay, 0smail, Sinan said. Rest now.
When I woke up after falling, 0smail continued as though the
words were spilling out, she was holding me. She told me Mother
loved me and that it would be okay. She said I would see Anne again,
but I didn t believe her. Her voice was so sad. He rubbed his eyes
with the back of his hands, and then stared at the ground.
Sinan touched 0smail s back and felt the boy s heart beating
through his ribs.
Water sprayed on us and made me cold but then it stopped and it
got really quiet. She kept reaching behind me and then she d drip wa-
ter into my mouth. It tasted real bad, but I was thirsty.
This is what saved him, Sinan thought. May God, His merciful-
ness, bless her soul.
She kept talking about a dog in the snow, but her voice was quiet
and it was hard to hear her. The dog ran through the trees and pushed
his nose into the snow, but then she started speaking English and I
couldn t understand her. Her breath tickled my ear and I couldn t
scratch it because she was on my arm. It tickled for a long time and I
wanted to scratch it so bad, Baba.
Shh, 0smail. He wanted to cry with thankfulness.
It made me want to scream. Then it didn t tickle anymore.
Sinan remembered how alone he had felt after his father was
killed, how empty and separate from the world, and it pained him to
know his son had experienced such loss. If there was one thing he
wanted in life, it was to keep his children from such pain.
I feel bad because I was happy she wasn t tickling me anymore.
52 Al an Dr e w
It s okay. He kissed the top of 0smail s head.
Are mother and 0rem dead? he said, screeching it out.
No. They re fine.
But he couldn t be sure. My God, he had left them alone all these
days. Anything could have happened to them by now.
Because I thought they might be dead like Sarah Han1m.
No, no, 0smailcan. They are fine. He tried to pull 0smail close,
but the boy tugged away, his eyes bulging with fear. Shh, now. It s
okay to be scared.
I m not scared, 0smail said. It was so dark, Baba.
I know. I know. The boy wouldn t be held and this scared Sinan
more than anything. What could happen to a child that would make
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